Sitting with my girlfriends over lunch, two days before my birthday, I remarked, “I will turn 25 in less than forty-eight hours and I don’t feel anything that age.” One of them laughed, “You wouldn’t feel like one until the day you do turn 25.” And true to that, a month later, I realise how things have changed even when they seldom have. Maybe it is my perspective towards things, people, situations – everything has taken a different viewpoint.
Love for parents and family in particular.
Well, we always have loved our mom and dad. Said so too. Meant it even. But to notice their smallest of sacrifices, their littlest of contributions, their earnest of efforts for our happiness makes the word ‘love’ seem insubstantial.
* I’ll share an incident. My birthday this year fell on a weekday and my parents had taken an off from their respective workplaces. It didn’t feel as a big deal until one of friends made it sound like “Wow, they have taken a leave for YOU!”
Time and again, almost all my holidays are spent at home, with family. I am usually snubbed by people as anti-social, not enjoying life, missing out on experiences, etc etc. For a very long time, I thought I was actually all of that. But one day, a flash of second made me understand that these people don’t have their families by their side. If I had only friends to rely on, I would be outside too, always.
Talking about people, two and half decades makes you know the worth of your gut feeling. No, not the bloated stomach one. The inner voice, that is. Do you know when your inner voice constantly tells you against certain people like your mother did when you were a kid? But then your heart doesn’t want to listen. And the brain weighs out more pros than cons and tells you its all safe.
I say, maybe you should re-consider. ‘Cause I have learnt carrying baggage of certain things/people in life drains you mentally, emotionally and physically too.
With believing my inner voice, came two most important lessons – Learning to say No and Letting Go. I guess these are really important. There are (again) things/people which stick to your life like leeches sucking life out of you especially when you are AWARE of them. Ask them to leave or just say a No. However, it is easier said than done. Difficult in the beginning but feels empowering.
Seeing your school friends getting degrees from colleges you wanted to or your college mates getting into companies you had always dreamed of to be in, brings in sense of competition. And then, unknowingly creeps in envy. Oh man! How that burns you inside out. Because competition is great until you start comparing yourself. That of course you will, everything from the salary package they garner to the percentage of marks they scored in boards, and how ‘better’ I am or I was. Or if I wasn’t better, I ain’t good either now as well. All those hundreds you have added on social media, uploaded their glittering lives of exotic travel plans and exclusive days out with friends and shopping extravaganzas, rub it on your face the monotony of your life. Sadness of you staring at their larger than life pictures through your 5″ mobile screen.
Slowly and steadily, one tends to drift towards depression. And trust me, it is such a beautiful place to be. Darkness with no noises, just you. Months, it will take you months to get out of that beautiful, comfortable zone. It gets just too addictive.
The game is all about selection of the positivity. Select the right the things to see, the right things hear, right things to eat, right stuff to wear and most importantly right people to keep close in life.
I figured out (or rather consoled myself) that certain things aren’t made to happen to us at that moment. Maybe it wasn’t destined, maybe we didn’t try hard enough, maybe we didn’t want it bad enough.
And there are things that are just made to happen to us. Maybe we were destined, maybe we don’t see the good now and will so later, maybe we see the bad now and curse it. Whatever it is, everything happens for good. Mom says so, and I believe!
It took me one third of my life to understand we have used our lives to impress people temporary in life – relatives, teachers, friends, girlfriend, boss, lover. (I don’t include Parents, I consider them eternal). In the process, we forgot to impress the only permanent person in life – Ourself! When was the last time we worked on ourselves, thought of things we loved? Downloading favourite music and binge watching TV shows doesn’t count, neither does sleeping throughout the weekend. Though I did consider them, because it took me away from my wake-eat-work-eat-sleep routine, until late. I decided to get a hold of things. Penned down all things I wanted to do, I wanted to learn or read or listen, places I wanted to travel to. That moment you realise there’s so much to you than your name, your degree and designation. I intend to start working on them gradually. Infact, have initiated few good changes too. Hope to continue with them. * fingers crossed *
Little by little, I put together Life to understand it is ‘ME’ on focus and no one else can (should) take the center stage. Twenty five years are probably too long, or I might have been lucky!